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Wise words from the departing

[ website | a faint recollection ]
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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(8 broccoli eaten | eat your greens)

new photos [26 Jun 2003|03:29am]
I uploaded some new photos.

see them hereCollapse )

(1 broccoli eaten | eat your greens)

New Velvet & Satin Coverlet [01 Jun 2003|07:46pm]
Hey there. I am selling a new velvet and vatin comforter/coverlet on Ebay. It is a really dark navy blue. If you know anyone who might like to get it, please help me out and send them this way ! Thank you.


(1 broccoli eaten | eat your greens)

Velvet & Satin Coverlet [01 Jun 2003|01:03pm]
Hey there. I am selling a new velvet and vatin comforter/coverlet on Ebay. It is a really dark navy blue. If you know anyone who might like to get it, please help me out and send them this way ! Thank you.


(1 broccoli eaten | eat your greens)

[20 May 2003|05:09pm]
Me, my mom and the kids went to Texas this last week. We visited family and friends. I got a new tatoo with Elijah and Zowie's name on it. Here are some photos from the trip:

Donovan - Me - Jessica

more photosCollapse )

(3 broccoli eaten | eat your greens)

[20 Jan 2003|12:45am]
The Dream Of A Shadow Of Smoke

"So is every man. He is born in vanity and sin. He comes into the world like morning mushrooms, soon thrustling up their heads into the air, and conversing with their kindred of the same production, and as soon as they turn to dust and forgetfulness, some of them without any other interest in the affairs of the world, but that they made their parents a little glad and very sorrowful..."
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

"Others ride longer in the storm, maybe until seven years of vanity be expired and then, preadventure, the sun shines hot upon their heads, and they fall into the shades below, into the cover of death and darkness and the grave to hide them. But if the bubble stands the shock of a bigger drop, and outlives the chance of a child or a careless nurse, or drowning in a pail of water, or being overlaid by a sleepy servant, or such little accidents, then the young man dances like a bubble, empty and gay, and shines like a dove's neck, or the image of a rainbow, which has no substance, and whose very imagery and colours are fantastical. And so he dances out the gaiety of his youth, and is all the while in a storm, and endures only because he is not knocked on the head by a drop of bigger pain, or crushed by the pressure of a load of undigested meat, or quenched by the disorder of an ill-placed humour.

Homer calls man a leaf, the smallest; Pindar calls him the dream of a shadow, another, the dream of a shadow of smoke; but St. James spake, by a more excellent spirit,saying our life is but a vapour, that is to say, drawn from the air by a celestial influence, made of smoke and the lighter parts of water, tossed by the wind and moved by the motion of a superior body, without virtue in itself and lifted up on high or left below, according as it pleases the demands of its foster fathers..."

excerpt from The Rule And Exercises Of Holy Dying and The Dream Of A Shadow Of Smoke - Current 93

(eat your greens)

[20 Jan 2003|12:31am]
i'd lie down in darkness with devils
and awaken with strangers that i never knew
i'd follow the hoof-beats of heartache,
if i thought they'd lead me to you.

there is so little magic in morning
butterflies in your eyes,
and a tear drop or two.
i'd run through the dawning with danger,
if i could be running to you.

if i cried out to god, in the morning,
who am i? where am i? why am i still alone?
he'd probably show me the highway,
leading to you and to home.

there is so little magic in midnight.
fireflies in your eyes,
and a sparkle or two.
i'd dance through the darkeness with danger,
if i could be dancing to you.

- to you. nature and organisation

(1 broccoli eaten | eat your greens)

[19 Jan 2003|11:52pm]
[ mood | empty ]

all i know are the shadowless dreams of the past.

(eat your greens)

[17 Jan 2003|11:31pm]

(eat your greens)

[17 Jan 2003|10:47pm]
Zowie Star might be a Writer or Artist

You knew from the beginning that your baby was different from the other newborns in the nursery. It's clear your babe's very bright and exceptionally observant — and you may have even heard people say it seems like your little one's already an old soul with a flair for insight and artistry. That's why we think they might be next in line to write the Great American Novel or open a revolutionary new exhibit at the Met.

You probably encourage your baby's individuality and creativity, providing them with lots of toys and crafts with which to experiment with self-expression. You're also probably likely to spend tons of time developing your baby's brain by reading to them and playing music — classical or otherwise. That's great. But don't be afraid to throw in a little baby talk or dance the tango with them now and then. Their artistic spirit isn't going anywhere, and even creative geniuses need time to kick back, loosen up, and crack a goofy smile.

Elijah Zen might be a Politician

If we were to cast our vote, we'd say your baby's headed straight for Washington, DC. Everyone seems to fall in love instantly with your charismatic child who knows how much a great giggle or a coy grin can do for their popularity rating.

It's a great gift to be able to charm the masses, and who wouldn't want their kid to grow up to be the leader of the free world — or at least work tirelessly towards making life better for the people around them? You've got to watch your little people-pleaser carefully, though. Keep them honest and make sure that you help them build enough backbone so they won't be swayed by power (or a particular political party). And while you're at it, you also might want to start a future campaign account along with that college fund.

(1 broccoli eaten | eat your greens)

Current 93 in San Francisco [06 Jan 2003|12:07pm]
i think i am going to puke.

Thank you zoskia for buying V-Tickets!

Your purchase details follow:

Venue: Great American Music Hall
Date/time: 5/10/2003 at 9:00 PM
Face value and fees per ticket: $25, Virtuous fee (per ticket): $3, Total price per ticket: $28
Quantity: 2 tickets
Total for order: $56

go, go, go hurry. tickets will be gone fast !

Contrary to the following, the tickets just went on sale at 11PM PST today.

Current Ninety Three and Antony

Live in San Francisco at the Great American Music Hall
Friday 9 and Saturday 10 May 2003

We are delighted to announce Current Ninety Three's first shows on the American West Coast at the beautiful Great American Music Hall in May 2003, with special guest Antony. David Tibet, Michael Cashmore and Antony and everyone else look forward very much to seeing you all there.


Great American Music Hall, 859 O'Farrell Street, San Francisco, CA 94109. Tel: (415) 885-0750.

Ticket price: $25. Doors open: 8pm. Show starts: 9pm. Capacity: 420 seated spaces per night. All ages allowed.

Tickets are on sale from 10am on Sunday, 5 January, 2003.

Tickets are available from:

1. Online at virtuous.com ($2.50 charge)

2. The venue box office ($1.00 charge). Opening hours: Monday–Friday, 10.30am–6pm. Tel: (415) 885-0750. Fax: (415) 885-5075.

3. Mail order from the venue (no charge).

(1 broccoli eaten | eat your greens)

...feel the love from above... [24 Dec 2002|04:28am]
[ mood | awake ]

Seven Sisters by James B Hunt

James on the symbolism of the painting...

"hmm..... okay. this will probably make me sound like a complete lunatic, and i assure you, i feel perfectly sane....

i was working through a very difficult time, and it had taken a toll on my perception of reality. this painting was started as sort of a "love letter" for my 'friends' residing in the pleiades, an open star cluster located in the constellation taurus. this painting, like the others, was painted in code, with hundreds of hidden images relaying a message for 'ban and baf', the two characters in the painting. obviously the star cluster reveals itself repeatedly in the piece, but the piece isn't so much about the cluster as it is the cluster's inhabitants.

now, before i go on, let me explain that i was not in my right mind at the time this was created. repeated lack of sleep combined with the stress of dealing with several family tragedies and tribulations, not to mention the excessive use of mood-altering stimulants, caused me to believe that ban and baf had been sending me transmissions via secret broadcasts on AM 1580, radio disney. certain words, notes, phrases and sounds would come across as part of a message. i spent most of my time documenting these 'messages'. one night, a character named 'bas' came into the picture, in the form of an astral bird. this came from a phrase heard in a radio disney song: 'i'm like a bird; i'll only fly away'. i had no clue why it was spoken or what it's purpose was to me but i worked the bird character into the painting as well as my own personal life. all three characters in the foreground form a symbol of the seven sisters, a "star" of sorts. the background of the painting reveals the location of these beings revealed in the positioning of all stars in the autumn's eastern skies. the overall message of the piece is that the bird gives birth to ban and baf, the source of all creative energy residing in earth's own manbird (me).

like i said, i know it sounds crazy. i have since been treated and i feel very sane now. i am also drug-free."

Read an enlightening interview for "This Modern", a small (tiny) zine, by James B hunt.

Lov-E my James [migrations]

I gotta higher res. photo for ya offline.

L0vE theE FamiL-E

(2 broccoli eaten | eat your greens)

me sad :[ [24 Dec 2002|03:34am]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

I loved a VW van once. It was my first car. I miss it so. It caught a blaze. This is the only known photo of my beloved van, taken when I was 16.
:[ merry christmas, where ever you are my love.

(eat your greens)

santa bash [24 Dec 2002|03:31am]

full size santaCollapse )

(eat your greens)

[22 Dec 2002|10:37am]
some photos of my tattoo's I took a while back, about a month and a half ago I believe....

thee restCollapse )

...oh, and yes it is a wig. i'm bald.

(eat your greens)

Christmas Photos [20 Dec 2002|06:01pm]
[ mood | busy ]

I went and picked up the Christmas photos today. They turned out soo good. Take a look !

see thee rest...Collapse )

Besides that, I have not posted in a while again. Been so busy trying to get my house in order after bringing more boxes of stuff over. It is still not under control, but getting there. Speaking of which, I need to get back to work.

(1 broccoli eaten | eat your greens)

day at the Art Fair ... [10 Dec 2002|11:21am]
[ mood | cold ]

Well, we headed down to Tempe Lake on Sunday hoping to see the Middle Eastern Fair, but we found out it was on Saturday. :[
So instead, we went to the Tempe Arts Fair, which was going on in the same area. Here are some photos from that endeavor.

more photos ...Collapse )

(eat your greens)

Thanksgiving Photos of Zen & Star [10 Dec 2002|10:47am]
[ mood | grateful ]


full imagesCollapse )

(eat your greens)

all hail linux ... [08 Dec 2002|02:19am]
[ mood | distressed ]

what a night. Yesterday, I was trying to install some software off of my
soundblaster cd to aid me in creating some music for my band [I'm a Frayed Knot
said the Pioneer Plaque], and i encountered some problems with my os. After
installing the software and rebooting, I could no longer boot into XP. I would
get a halt with a blue screen and a memory dump. Luckily, all the files I wanted
to keep were on another partition.

So tonite, I formated the partition with Windows and proceeded to reinstall. I got
the same damn screen half-way though the install. So I formated again and
installed 2000. The same thing happened. Again I formatted, and I attempted to
install 98. Needless to say, I got no further that my previous attempts, but I
did get the file name down that was causing the problem. So I tried Linux
Mandrake, and ... wooohooo. It installed, and here I am now.

I looked up the problem file, and as I had suspected, it is a soundblaster file.
Now, what does not make any sense to me is this : why is it having a problem
with a driver when I have reformatted ? Could be a hardware issue, but linux is
using it just find. Hrmmm. Well, I am pretty sure that I can remove the card now
and get Windows reinstalled. In the meantime, I am burning the GB's of files I
have stored up. As this will most likely take forever, I thought I would ramble
on in my journal !

Update on the last week or so ....

The other night I made some macaroni and cheese. As I was eating it, I found a
small worm and freaked out. I did not find any others in the rest, and I did not
eat the one I found. Nevertheless, I went straight to the bathroom and gagged
myself. I vomited everything out of my stomach and then drank a shot of vodka to
sterilize my tummy. I know, quite the logic. Later that night, I looked in the
mirror and had a surprise. I must have gagged myself hard, cause I popped almost
every vessel in my eye, on my eyelids, and in my forehead. Boy do I look fucked

Last night, me and migrations / migrant went into
downtown Phoenix for the art-walk. We ended up at Thought Crime and there was
quite an interesting installation there. It was entitled "TV Dinner". As you
walked in, the studio was setup like a kitchen from the 1950's. There was a
fridge, a sink, and a stove. The artist was dressed up like a 50's homemaker.
She proceeded to tell us she was cooking dinner. She walked over to the fridge,
which was full of various video tapes, and pulled one out. She then said she was
going to put the potatoes in, and then opened the oven door. Inside the oven was
a tv set. She placed the video in a vcr and closed the oven door.

"The potatoes will be done in about 30 minutes," she said. You could see the
potatoes cooking on the tv screen inside the oven. This is perfect, I thought to

She then pointed to the 'living room', and told us that the news would be on in
a minute so that we could catch up on current events.

absolutely brilliant.

Outside of Thought Crime, a 'band' that migrations did the cd cover
for, was 'playing'. It was one guy up there with a bunch of equipment and some
sheets of metal. The metal had a mic or something hooked up to it so that when
he rubbed them together he got all kind of crazy noise and feedback. It was all
pure raw noise. I thought my ears were going to bleed, but I loved seeing
someone 'performing' noise. I hope it pissed some people off.

On a side note, I also got to meet Michael 23 [weeeeeeeeee], and I got a Thought
Crime 23 shirt.

A great night.

Tonight... well I already bitched about tonite.

Tomorrow... there is a spectacular free extravaganza at Tempe Town lake
tommorow. I got the flyer for it while at King Tut last week. It is supposed to
be a Middle Eastern festival of sorts I believe, but I am not too sure. There
will be henna tattoos there. If I am lucky, there will be belly dancers too.
Gotta love em. Me and James are packing up the chillins in the stroller and
heading out there anyways. Should be a good time as well.

Well, I should really give up on this for now and go to sleep.
nite for now...

(1 broccoli eaten | eat your greens)

update - long over due [30 Nov 2002|12:18pm]
[ mood | grateful ]

It has been quite a while since my last post. I have been busy doing everyday things – laundry, dishes, cooking … It never seems to end. Besides that, I have managed to get out a few times. I have been hanging out with 13dreams [Sage] quite a bit. We went to King Tut a few weeks ago, and then to Oasis a week after that. They are both Middle Eastern restaurants. They have a comfy area where you can sit on decorative cushions at little tables. They also offer hookahs with flavored tobacco. It was one of the best times I have had “going out” in a long time. I usually get bored easily with places, but the atmosphere was comfortable and charming, as was the company. We also went to see Domba perform at the Hypno-Twists CD release party. That was another great evening. Beautiful girls dancing in exquisitely adorned costumes just make my day.

I have also been hanging out with
museless42 [Charlie], though not as often as I would like. I have grown quite fond of him. He brought lots of yummy food over on Thanksgiving morning, and put up with my crazy elders. It was delicious! I sat him down and made him watch Moulin Rouge [grrr, I love the way that is directed – it’s beautiful!]. I think he liked it. After Charlie went to work, I went over to Sage’s parent’s house to Thanksgiving dinner! It was nice; They had different food there than what I had already eaten. His family was very nice, and they sure loved to see the Twins [zoskia]! Oh. Oh. Oh! I also got to catch Dralion on TV. This weekend, they apparently showing all Cirque Du Soleil on Bravo! .

Side Note: Little Star sat up for 30 seconds today all on her own !

I really need to take some more photographs and update my pages. I was thinking of posting some I already have that I do not believe I ever posted. As for the promotion of creativity, you must check out migrations [James B Hunt’s new art journal] & shannonkringen [Goddess Kring].

Here is a sample of James's work :

I do not have Shannon's permission to post any of her work. You will just have to check it out yourself ! She seems like a very interesting lady. I admire the way she seems to live in another dimension that she wove herself.

(eat your greens)

[28 Nov 2002|11:54pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

Damn, I need to update my journal. Maybe I will do that later. Doh, and my webpage.

(eat your greens)

a moonpeice . . . [18 Nov 2002|05:31pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

Strange Birds, indeed.

Funny Sage, when you left this morning and I walked back through the fence, the kitten that I had been looking for a few seconds earlier was waiting outside my door. I let him in and proceeded to do exactly what I recall doing in my dream last night : emptying half a can of tuna into a particular dish and giving it to the chap. After that, he did not really want to leave. He sat on my lap for a while, I snapped a few pics of him, and then he hid under the bed. I had to get the remainder of the tuna out to lure him out the door. heh. I should name him velo :]

VELO (meaning "fiets" or "bike" in Flemish dialect)

Velo is the term used to describe and encompass every aspect of Arakashain life. All are parts and segments of the greater Velo. Loosley translated Velo can be thought of as meaning “The Way.” It can mean The Way of Combat (Wazkinasha), the way of blood sharing (Chykaar), the way of relations (Sarakarzu), and so on.
WTF ???

veloci-, veloc-, velo- (Latin: fast, speed, swift, and rapid).

velo -are [to cover , veil, hide].

Anyways, like I told you already, I am glad thee spirits brought you to me last night. Doh, I seems to always find myself in the stupidest of situations. I am glad we got a chance to talk. It helped me realize where I am and what I need to be focusing on. I have a lot of work to do as well ! I really feel I am here to help heal others in mind, body, and spirit. First, I must heal myself. I am thankful you have come into my life. I love you as a friend, and I love you beyond that in a way I cannot describe.

Good luck on your interview my dear. I know it is long past, but I have not received the news yet !

Light, Life, Love, and Liberty !
Love is the Law - Love under Will.

Dammit - why can't I remember that when I need to ?

(1 broccoli eaten | eat your greens)

[17 Nov 2002|12:59am]
Well, I can always ramble about my day. However, it was rather uneventful. Last night, my dear friend Sage came over. We drank. We talked. We listened to music. He played my guitar. We played with the chillins and cuddled. He also helped me cleanse and protect my new home. It was amazing how much the energy changed. It is much more comfortable now. Maybe I will not be as paranoid as I have been in the last week. No more walking around the yard with a machete in one hand and a hammer in the other, looking for intruders ! Yay for me ! Heh. Thanks Sage. I had a wonderful evening with you.


This morning, I got up and cooked us some rather interesting breakfast. Veggies & Eggs. However, they were not the type of veggies you would normally put in eggs. It was OK. It was filling at least.

Few hours later....
I decided I better get cleaned up, as I had a lot that I was SUPPOSED to do. I thought that I would try to give Zowie a shower too, and I brought her in along with me. She did not seem to mind. I am not too sure how much she liked it, but she did not get upset. I think the rough flow of the water was a little much for her sensitive skin. After our shower, we got dressed and went to sit under the shade tree in the yard. Eli was still asleep on the couch, so we got to spend some one on one time together. Zowie started to get a little grumpy after a while, and it was apparent that she was getting tired. We went and laid down on the bed. She fell asleep immediately in my arms. We both napped for a good three hours or more. All the while, Eli was still snoozing on the couch. It was almost 5PM when we aroused due to little Eli waking up with a hungry cry. They ate. I ate. We sat and laughed together, playing games. I was supposed to go meet a new friend today, and also go to my old place to clean up the mess I had left. I did neither. I was too anxiety ridden to pick up the damn phone to call him, and too lazy to go over to my grandmothers to clean. So, I just spent the day with my little ones, which was nice.

Tomorrow, I have to go clean my mess. I just have to. I arranged another meeting with my friend at 11AM. I am going to try to make it to the Hare Krishna Temple at 5PM, but I am not sure if I will be finished with my duties. I hope I make it. I want to take the chillins. I have never been before. I would like to learn about it, and meet a few new people. Plus, there is supposed to be good food there ! Yum.

going going for now.

(eat your greens)

[17 Nov 2002|12:58am]
post, post. what do i have to post ?
absolutely nothing.

(eat your greens)

[14 Nov 2002|01:27am]
[ mood | drained ]

durrrr, some pics of me at the new place. yes, I do become an idiot at 1am after a few drinks.

othersCollapse )

(eat your greens)

post two [13 Nov 2002|11:57pm]
and more...Collapse )

(1 broccoli eaten | eat your greens)

post one [13 Nov 2002|11:49pm]

you know you want to see more of us ....

come onCollapse )

(eat your greens)

new home [13 Nov 2002|11:02pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]


see our new homeCollapse )

(eat your greens)

[13 Nov 2002|03:10pm]
[ mood | enthralled ]

This is so cute. I just took some photos of the twins outside in our new yard. More to come ! Got to get back to work on the house.

(1 broccoli eaten | eat your greens)

[11 Nov 2002|06:17pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Yesterday was shit.
I woke up feeling like crap. Hacking up dust and vomiting. Heh, too much information, I know. I looked in the mirror and decided I hated myself and got depressed.
Then I made my way to work, running late because I was so sick. On the way, I saw Cirque Du Soleil on the side of the freeway, and thought to myself : That freaking sucks that I do not get to go. I stumbled in 15 minutes late to work. Took calls for almost an hour, and then vomited again. My boss decided I could go home.
I went home and rested a while. Then I got up and worked on the new place for a while. Starting to shape up. Bah.
anyways. it sucked over all.

Now I am back at work again today. On the bright side, it is my last day ! Wooooo hoooo ! I spent most of the day in a resume workshop. Kinda boring, but better than being on the phones. Now it is 6:23 :] and I only have 37 minutes left. Yay ! Got some shit to replace for my house. Maybe I will get a chance to watch Everwood on the WB tonite. Cause I am a TV fiend. Yeah. ok.

bye for now.

(1 broccoli eaten | eat your greens)

[09 Nov 2002|04:26pm]
What Paranoid Conspiracy Theory Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

(eat your greens)

busy me [09 Nov 2002|01:54pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

busy, busy me.

I officially told Earthlink that I was staying here. :[
I moved all my stuff over to my new place on friday. It's a very small house in the back of my mother's. She painted it and placed new carpet in a few rooms. It has a living room, and 2 smaller rooms. It is turning out to be quite nice; I just have so much stuff ! I will put some pics up when I get it arranged. I can't help but want to buy a bunch of new things to decorate with. I do not have money at the moment though. Maybe I will get some things for Christmas !

Well, I am here at work today. I only have 3 days left, including today. We get to have an off-site tommorow. Yay beer ! It is really shitty having to work here these last few days. I really want to take vacation, but I need the payout money. It is only a few days afterall ! Oh, but it is soooo painful.

Well, back to the phones. Ugh.

(eat your greens)

[07 Nov 2002|02:21am]
Steven and I in the feild of Stars

(eat your greens)

[07 Nov 2002|01:23am]
listen : skeletontonguedworld

(eat your greens)

[07 Nov 2002|12:22am]
[ mood | busy ]

a song, for you ...

Nature and Organisation - To You

(1 broccoli eaten | eat your greens)

[06 Nov 2002|04:08am]
colton is a psychopath. seriously.
[ this is funny ]

site [xxx]

ha, he has a good quote from RAW on his site too :

+ "Tactical Thought: If I were the head of the illuminati, I certainly would not call it by that name; I'd call it something innocuous, like the Parents-Teachers Association. Better still, I'd call it the John Birch Society, and advertise it as an organization 'opposed' to the illuminati. That way I'd be able to rope in all the people who are against the illuminati and use them as unwitting dupes. This is such a plausible idea that if the illuminati do exist, they must have thought of it already."
- Robert Anton Wilson - Right Where You Are Sitting Now

he also makes funny flyers for 5-meo-dmt which he passes out to people on the street.

(eat your greens)

One day your eggs are going to hatch and some very strange birds are going to emerge [06 Nov 2002|04:00am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

Friends, another reason I am glad I am staying.

I am glad I will still have James around to be a dumb ass with and fight [physically that is. boy, we really do need some of those beating sticks]. I am also glad that my new friendships will have the chance to evolve and grow. Sage, I am really excited about sharing ideas with you and learning new things. I know that our friendship will be a lasting one. I am curious to see how it will evolve. I am excited [ but nervous as usual ] to meet Paegan, her children, and the other friends you may introduce me to. I am really happy I will be here for the birth of Mitch & Katie's baby ! Charlie, are you shivering ? Broccoli!!! Coil, right, oh yeah. You got to find those tracks. Wait I am burning that for you.

Are You Shivering?


Are you shivering? Are you cold?
Are you bathed in silver or drowned in gold?
This dream's a vitality
With filaments as fine as a spider's web
Pour through your mouth
That pour through your mouth
O river of silver, O river of flowers
I lie down and shiver in your silver river
Out drips the last drop of this vital fluid

Our life has grown weary
The stars have grown old
Are you still shivering?
Are you still cold?
Are you loathsome tonight?
Does your madness shine bright?
Are you loathsome tonight?

In the oceans of the moon
Swimming squidlike and squalid
This bright moon is a liquid
The dark earth is a solid

This is moon music in the light of the moon

other random theories :
fate = freewill
freewill = fate
I chose my path before I came.
What you could call 'fate' is really what I decided.
charlie - pre-cognitive subconscious or pre-concious goals and choices.
me - exactly !
Before you were born, into this world of form and linear time, you stood where time was not.
You, your self, standing outside of time, pushing youself in the right direction.
Must be kismet.

(eat your greens)

shit bat [06 Nov 2002|01:53am]
[ mood | angry ]

Ok. I have not had a chance to post in a few days again. Or rather, I have just been slacking. So I am going to rant on something that I should have yesterday.

I am so angry and disappointed. I no longer have a roommate in Harrisburg, so it looks like I will be stuck here. I was looking forward to the mountains, trees, and the white christmas. I was looking forward to finally feeling free, and starting a new life with my own little family [me and my chillins]. Now I am stuck with the daunting task of finding a new job, and worrying about what my new income and benefits will be. I have to be able to take my little ones to the doctor ! One of the worst things is, I was temporarily working a 30 hour a week shift. I am not going to get shit for severance. I had only been making around $900 a month with this schedule. Plus, they have all this money to take out of my check because they had overpaid me in April. This is going to screw me over. I came home and cried and cried.

Then, I tried to change my view. It is going to make things a lot harder on me, but I think the universe is trying to tell me that I have not finished my task here. Mitch agreed and said that I probably cannot leave until I have worked through it. I have to learn to be stronger and stand up for myself. I have to learn to not let my family control me. I need stop fearing that I am going to be punished for my beliefs and decisions. When I am around my family, I still feel like I am a child, as if I have to answer to someone. I do not feel free. I feel trapped and controlled. I have wanted to escape this, to run away. I see now that it is something that must be faced. I cannot grow by simply moving away. I have to stand up for myself and overcome the fear of standing up to my family. I am glad that I will at least have the support of my friends here !

(eat your greens)

[03 Nov 2002|04:05pm]
The Inner Geometry of Alchemical Emblems

(1 broccoli eaten | eat your greens)

sleeeeep [03 Nov 2002|03:44pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

theeeeese people. we should get an offsite tonite. is it monday yet ???

(eat your greens)

[03 Nov 2002|11:14am]
[ mood | crazy ]

I have always hoped I was at least a little schizophrenic !

Schizotypal - [ score - very high ]
Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.

see my results for the personality disorder quizCollapse )

I also took James's [migrant] personality quiz.
The response was : you're gay, stupid and retarded

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